Long time no post...

I know it has been quite a while since I've posted anything probably due to the fact that the dumps I've been in hasn't really let up. I think I'm going through a midlife crisis at 38. Can it be? This cannot be happening with 3 children under the age of 6?

You know you hear about men going through it and buying ridiculous boy toys that put the whole family in debt or they run off with a younger woman or something - but me? A stay at home mom? What are my freakin' options? I can't do any of that stuff...well I am not into younger women, but you know what I mean. (lol)

So here is the conclusion I've come to...ready?

Here are my solutions to my "stayathome-itis":

• Get together with friends - OFTEN - like weekly or even every other day if possible - no kids or husband
• Reconnect with old friends
  
• Go out dancing (my passion is salsa dancing - I'm Cuban - what did you expect?)
• Talk about other things other than bills, kids or problems with my husband
• Plan a vacation alone to visit my mom in Florida or with a friend to have some fun
• Have fun again
• Decided to STOP growing old on my couch
• Work out daily - DAILY - that is 1-2 hours all by myself - SWEET!
• Determine to lose weight - no more waiting or the excuse of "I just had a baby" since she is 18 mo old! (by the way - I'm down 2 pant sizes since last month - since my last nervous breakdown post)
• Realize that my life does NOT have to revolve around my husband or my kids - that I do have to have a life outside of my four walls - this is how stay at home moms become depressed, suicidal and end up leaving their families. I say this because I know of a couple of moms to who became depressed, suicidal (1 attempted suicide) and another 2 moms I know "just left" husband, kids and all!
• Reassess my life and what I want out of it - I - ME - what do I want? I swear if my husband quotes another movie to me I will have to break his jaw. "When we got married, we gave up me for us" - ok I know but when "US" constitutes all that HUBBY wants - it really does not apply now does it?

So I am determine to enjoy life again, work out and lose weight, go back to school and finish my bachelors degree (1 year left to graduate! Before I got married, 8 years ago, dear hubby kept telling me you'll get to finish school honey...yeah that didn't happen but it will now!), make my business successful and have my own storefront one day.

So yes...I'm still struggling but I have decided to do something about before I get locked up in a padded room and see my children through a plate glass window.

Thank you all for commenting and encouraging me - I pray that I have encouraged you too to seek out a life for yourself as well. Mommyhood does NOT have to be all about changing diapers, cleaning toilets and folding laundry. There is so much more! But we settle for being home and giving up on ourselves because it is what we are told or implied.

I can only hope that my husband will open up his eyes, ears and heart to the reality of my struggles. I have told him again and again but this time I no longer feel guilty for wanting more out of my life. I mean seriously? Do I really want to be 60 years old and be bored with my life? NO. I want to know I did things I wanted to do and accomplished things I dreamed of.

Growing happy healthy God loving children is important, maintaining a healthy marriage is important...but if I don't take time for myself as a mom, as a woman, daughter, friend...then what will happen to me? I'll tell you what...I'll get bitter, bored and bombarded with life that I will not age gracefully - it will show on my face, body and on my heart.

Why do men age so nicely and women not so nice? They find outlets. Work, which include breaks at work (lunch etc...), friends, outings etc...us women? We are too busy with kids and making hubby happy while gravity takes over.

So I'm off my pulpit for now. I'm still struggling to find Adriana again but I have a better idea on how to find her now than I did before.

xoxoxoxo to all of my stay at home mommy friends. I hope I gave you food for thought.