Tuesday Toot - Switch Up, Switch Down, Round and Round I Go!

So in the very exhausting attempt to save money these days, I have found that I've wasted more breath, heartbeats, brain cells and hours on the phone than I would like to admit.

I have Comcast as my provider and have had them for many many years but you know the cost fluctuates as the "promotions" expire etc...blah blah blah...and with the neverending doctor bills

(I swear the postman just laughs at me when he delivers our bills - I mean mail - he is the Devil).

I thought that maybe for cheaper services I'd give AT&T a try for phone, internet & tv. So the dialing of the 800# began and the minutes ticked right off of my life and onto my forehead. Back and forth, back and forth...these past 5 days have been the MOST wasteful of my life.

AT&T Guy:
"Well, mam, this is what we can do...wait, this is better...how about this...did I sucker you in yet?" Ok the guy didn't say THAT. But you know what I mean, they sugar coat it over and over to make it sound good, but in the end its not.

So I said yes, did the switch, started up most of the services except the Dish Network because they have to install it on the roof which needs approval from the damn condo board - I know DRAAAAAAAMA!!!! The home phone took nearly 2 hours to hook up which sounds terrible. People sound like there talking through a tunnel or I'm freakin going deaf here. Which with 3 small whiny, screechy kids (which I love), I wouldn't doubt that my hearing isn't what it used to be, so maybe it isn't AT&T's fault?

The internet is great. No complaints, but the switching of email addresses - O - M - G!!!! Do you realize how many accounts I have to individually sign into to change the notification email address, then, go to my email, wait for the verification for change email, back to the website etc....AHHHH
Good thing I do NOT know how to tie a noose!

Anyway...so I get through all the changes ( 3 hours later) and I decide ok..let me call Comcast to disconnect all of my stuff...I call them and what do they do? I'll tell ya...

"You want to disconnect, any reason why? Well, maybe I can help? Well, mam, this is what we can do...wait, this is better...how about this...did I sucker you in yet?" Ok the guy didn't say THAT.

Well THEIR deal was waaaaaay better and no headache on changing all the email addresses, right so why not?

So we redo "our package" and I hang up the phone...(1.5 hours later) when I remember....
O-M-G...I have to do all the switch over again!!!!! Back to the putes with 3 crying whiny kids circling my chair like hungry sharks as I watch smoke come from my fingertips trying to get it all done AGAIN so I can get back to living life and I can reaffirm to my kids that I really do love them and I'm not trying to avoid them!

(Sigh) So...I'm done. Now I have to get on the phone with AT&T to cancel all of their stuff.
I swear...if I hear...
"Well, mam, this is what we can do...wait, this is better...how about this..." I'm jumping out of my first floor window. Ok...no injuries will actually happen from this...but you know what I mean!

Stranger Danger Talk Not Enough...

From all of the crazy news stories that have been haunting me for years, I finally got the the idea that "stranger danger" TALK is not enough, but that VISUALS could possibly stick better.

So here's what I did.

I first "talked" to them about what to do should someone try and grab them at a store, or the park or on the front lawn even. Scream "FIRE!", kick and punch in the groin area (men and women) and poke eyes out. I know gruesome but necessary. It seems that child predators are getting more aggressive so shouldn't our children be when needed to defend themselves? I explained that there are bad men AND women.

So then they asked me what a bad guy/girl looks like and I took them to:

Illinois Sex Offender Registry

And showed them pictures without telling them these were bad guys...I pulled up photos of local sex offenders (wow some only 1 mile or less away) and asked them, "so do you think these look like good guys or bad guys?" and to no surprise they said innocently, "These are good guys" Soooo I then proceeded to show more and more photos and they all were "good guys" but when I told them what they had done ("hurt children") they were shocked. I went on and on through the list showing them photos and talking to them about staying close in the store, staying close while playing etc...

Then I told them scenarios not to fall for and what to do "scream, kick, punch, run". Scenarios like "You look lost, let me help you find your mommy" "Do you want to help me find my puppy?" "Would you like some candy?" "Your mommy is sick I'll take you to her" etc...all these scenarios were great conversation pieces and really opened up their minds to the possibility that not everyone is a nice person.

I talked to them about the difference between people I "know" and "family" and the the "know" people you don't go anywhere with even though they may have seen me talk to them in the past.

I plan on coming up with a "code" word for emergencies between them and certain friends I trust so ensure that they know what is ok and what is not.

I then went on to talk to them about police officers and who is one and who is not - uniform versus plain clothes officers. They are to ONLY go with officers that look like this...

They HAVE TO HAVE one of these uniforms, a badge, a walkie talkie on the shoulder, and a belt with the gun, keys and handcuffs.





So I know that there are no guarantees in life and that all I can do is entrust God to protect them, and that I do whatever I can do to educate them as much as I can about the dangers in the world. Real dangers that usually aren't very real to 5 and 3 year olds.

My Journey Through Parenting Part 1

I can't say that I am proud of my parenting skills. In fact, I'm quite ashamed of them. And through tears, I right these words...this is my form of journaling in the hopes of blessing another mom who may be going through the same issues as I am.

Please don't judge me for my mistakes, but please do send me as many encouraging comments, and prayers, as you can find in your heart to share with me as I am in a place of discouragement looking for hope as my role as mommy evolves with God's help and grace. My heart is heavy and my soul LONGS for God's saving grace so that I do not further damage my relationship with my children.

IKEA HELL...

So before going into IKEA I tell my boys that if all goes well there will be a treat awaiting them on the way out. My boys just love special things for good behaviour. Well, no later than 15 minutes into my trip there they were off doing their own thing. My 5 and 3 year boys were not listening to me, and I swear by the time I left IKEA everyone knew my childrens names. Touching, grabbing things, walking away, "I don't love you mom!," "I want the beep beep cart!" (the carts with car & steering attachments for kids), "I'm not going!," etc...etc...you can only imagine the amount of drama that ensued the whole time I was there with them. I tried sitting them down and talking with them, threatening consequences when we got home, telling daddy about their behavior, etc...nothing seemed to work - well not for long anyway before they resumed grabbing stuff and swinging things around like swords causing near misses with other shoppers. My 3 year old would stay behind, upset because I said they were not getting treat when we left because of their behavior. I finally got so tired of all the drama that I told him, "ok, you want to stay here? You WILL get lost and I don't want to hear you crying." He did get up and follow along of course. I know terrible. I shouldn't have said that. I was at my wits end and didn't know what else to do.

These days, you (I) can't spank in public or in the bathroom like my mom use to do, God forbid, or the parent police (all other parents observing) would lose their minds and say something RUDE or NEGATIVE that could very well just send me off the edge. Yes...there are people who do this. Understandably. People don't know me, my kids, or the circumstances so they react to what they see or hear in the moment.

So you wonder, "were they tired or hungry?" No, they were NOT tired, since they took a nap earlier, they were not hungry because I fed them while there, I tried being patient, I thought about leaving...but I knew that if I didn't just wrap up my shopping that I so desperately needed to do I would not get the chance. And if you would have ever visited my home you would be able to see just how badly I needed to get this done.

Anyway, all this to say that by the time we were leaving I was frazzled. My youngest was fine in the cart seat, happy go lucky just looking at everything, but the other two were like they were in a park! I was so embarrassed. I felt like, and feel like, a bad parent everytime I go to the store with them. What am I doing wrong? Where have I gone wrong? These thoughts roll through my head everytime I go out with them.

By the time I got to the register to checkout, my boys were still in their own world to the point that I couldn't even sign the credit card receipt to where the cashier came out from behind the register and told my boys, "Come on boys, let your mom finish up ok? Give her a break. Come on just be still for a moment." I must have turned 100 shades of red. On top of all the looks I was getting at the store.

By the time I loaded up the cart, with no patience left in my spirit, I had to grab my 5 year old by the arm because he was headed out to the parking lot. I held his arm tightly but not to the point where I would hurt him and he started yelling and crying "let me go! your hurting me!" oh....that's nice. I thought. While everyone watched the drama unfold. I said, "honey I am not hurting you I am holding you!"

On the way to get the car (because you can't take the stuff with you to get the car) I said to both of the boys, when we get home you are not getting anything, you are both going straight to bed! My 5 year old says out loud, "but I'm huuuuungry!!!" I said, 'no your not because you just had dinner, you aren't getting ANYthing. You are BOTH going to bed!' I said this out of frustration and what I really meant (which I explained after everything calmed down) was that they would not get any TREATs - like sugary cereal. I said, 'you can have food, not treats like sweet stuff.'

Well when we get in the car apparently someone heard the drama outside, inside, who knows, drove up beside me and yelled out of her window, "YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD REALLY WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR KIDS, I WORK FOR DCFS" I couldn't say anything except "SHUT UP!" because she drove away. Which I think is cowardly. If you're going to say something say it face to face and give the other person an opportunity to say something back or explain or something not give some stupid empty vague comment that leaves an already frazzled mother in a worse state of mind? Why didn't she offer help or advice or a gentle word of encouragement? That's something I would do.

What did she see or hear? Was she with the WHOLE time we were in the store? Did she even see how they were behaving? What am I suppose to be like? 'Oh honey, don't do that?' In a whispery, angelic voice? Are you kidding me? Oh...yeah, just let the 5 year dart out in the parking lot? Not say anything? Do anything? Are we suppose to let our kids rule outings?

All this to say that I feel like I'm failing as a mother.

Lately it seems that all my kids do is fight, argue, hit eachother etc...I'm so worn out by 11am that I wish for evening to come so they can go back to bed. Terrible huh? I know...don't tell me. I know they are kids and these are the ages where they lack the communication skills to get through to eachother and I lack the knowledge on how to help them. So I get drained quickly.

Soooooo...I started to read this book tonight in hopes of finding some hope and direction in my parenting skills - or lack thereof.

THE TEN BEST DECISIONS EVERY PARENT CAN MAKE by Bill & Pam Farrel

I've only read 13 pages tonight and I will be journaling what I've learned in PARTS so if you can follow along and keep me accountable that would be so awesome.

So far here's what I've learned...reality check!

• I am not in control
• Decide to be proactive (not sure what this means yet...)
  
• Pray for wisdom ~ James 1:5 (something I've fallen far away from when it comes to parenting)
• Ask God to bring positive solutions to negative and not easily understood situations
• Promise to give my children back to God because I do not own them because God has lent them to me, entrusted them to me, and that my job as a parent is to pass on to them God's wisdom, God's perspective, and God's instructions, all the while holding them with an openhanded attitude (page 13)

So as I continue to read, and learn, and pray, I hope that you will stay tuned in and help me through this. I have been struggling with parenting since my firstborn 13 years ago. I have little patience probably because as this book has taught me already, I've been too busy calling them MY kids and trying to go at this alone (meaning without God) - although I've been a Christian since 2000.

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SANDBOX WOES...WHAAAAAT?

Ok. Call me nieve, uniformed, unschooled, setback at little bit...but I had NO clue about the dangers of public uncovered sandboxes.

Here's what I read today...and OF COURSE after we ALL played in one today. Including Sophia in her diaper! ACKKKKK!!!!

Here is the article itself...found on: http://www.wormsandgermsblog.com/articles/another-category/parasites/

Sandbox Fun...

Posted on April 12, 2008 by Scott Weese

A sure sign that spring is approach is the advertising of outdoor summer items in stores. A large pile of sandboxes at one store caught my eye the other day, particularly as it followed a discussion I had with some infectious disease physicians about kids and sandboxes. Sandboxes can be a great thing for kids, however there are some infectious disease concerns. Uncovered sandboxes can become litter boxes for cats, raccoons and other outdoor animals. Some of these animals could be passing potentially dangerous bacteria and parasites in their stool. An example of this was reported a few months ago in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. This report described an outbreak of cutaneous larval migrans in 18 children and 4 staff at a day camp. This is a skin disease caused by hookworms. Cats and other animals can pass hookworm eggs in their stool. A sandbox contaminated with cat stool was implicated as the cause.

We really have no clue about how common sandbox exposure causes disease. While this skin disease is usually relatively minor, there are some other groups of parasites that can migrate through other parts of the body, including the brain, and cause devastating illness. All of these are very rare in northern climates like Canada, but measures should be taken to reduce the risk of exposure because of the potential severity of disease. Risks are much higher in warmer climates. These are a significant concern in warmer areas. It’s probably pretty uncommon but some of the diseases that can occur are very serious, so attention should be paid to these risks. The main things that can be done to reduce the risk are keeping animals out of sandboxes and handwashing after contact with sand. Check out our “Sandbox” information sheet for more details.

**So beware people! I had no clue but now I do and I'll be worried sick about my babies until I know they are ok. Time to call the Doctor!!!

TYBB/ Kathy Ireland Baby Girl Luxury Giftset Giveaway!

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I know, I know...S-T-R-U-C-T-U-R-E

So this was this morning - everybody was calm and happy and just enjoying time together...yes even in an empty laundry basket while watching a little SPROUT on TV.
Awe...sweet huh? Wait it gets better...keep reading...

Then as the day went on and I was busy cleaning, minding the business, tending to bills and bank accounts...I realized...'wait...it is awefully quiet -what is going on!' I spring from my chair and off to the bedroom to find the following going...oh yes..this I will use as blackmail as they get older. Just wait...

Soooo this is why we need structured activities
when cooped up at home...

Wrestling on the bed while pretending to be....spiderman. Yes I said spiderman - notice the dandy underwear (clean I hoped) on Josh's head? And a pullup diaper on Benny's head? He knows this is ammo for blackmail so he tries to hide from the camera...

So after I cracked up I noticed these socks on Josh's hands...what are they? Spidey hands! Watch out for those webs!

Not sure what Benny was trying to go for here, but the pullup looked darn cute and the socks on the hands? Well they are his version of web hands too. :)

Its ok to not have STRUCTURE all the time. It gives them a chance to be creative and find ways to entertain themselves. It is good for them! Right?! Right????

First I said "What?" Then I was like "Huh?"

Who has seen the movie BOLT?

OK now which of you adults call this movie one of your favorites? Come on - come out of the closet - I'm one of them. I cannot get enough of this movie.

There are so many hysterical moments. There's the cat "Mittens" with c-a-t-titude, and the best hamster ever "Rhino" and the poor naive dog Bolt that gets a strong jolt of reality when he finally figures out that he is no real SuperDog. Just on TV of course.

This movie strikes me as such a GREAT example of what it is to be a good friend. What it means to be loyal.

Take the cat "Mittens."

She was not afraid to be honest and forthcoming with Bolt about his true identity. Even when Bolt denied it and wouldn't accept it, she would challenge him to see for himself. Even though Bolt held her "hostage" until they could find his person Penny (his owner) (watch the movie and see why she's "missing") Mittens could see past her inescapable problem and tried to help Bolt see the truth. When he did, she stayed by his side, when he was in trouble, she came to his aide.

The cat Mittens is the kind of friend that exemplifies this truth...

Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

This movie remind me to ask myself, "Have I been faithful to "wound" a friend with the truth, for their own good, despite what I may get in return?"

Then there's Rhino - oh my beloved Rhino. 'Who doesn't need a friend like you?'

In it through thick and thin - no matter what - life or death ("Let it begin! Let it begin!") - no matter what...Faithful til the end.
Even after Bolt was aware of his mortality and that he was not a superhero. Rhino believed in him and encouraged him and lifted him up when he felt discouraged. Rhino was a little on the extreme side, but a wonderful friend in that he helped Bolt get through his journey by lifting him up with words of affirmation. And no matter the trouble they got into, Rhino was sure to stick by his side and believed that everything would turn out OK.

Rhino is the kind of friend that exemplifies this truth:

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times.

Ecclesiastes 6:16 A faithful friend is the medicine of life.

So with all this I only want to give you some food for thought - watch the movie of course - and think about what kind of friend you can be to someone in need of a friend today.

Taking the lead isn't all it seems...read on.

I have made so many mistakes in my adult life.

OK...let me go back a few years...many years. How about when I was 5? Is that early enough? I think that is where it all started. You see, my dad left us when I was 5. I'll never forget that day even though I wish I could. It is vivid in my mind like it was yesterday. And yes, it is still painful. Although my father has since said how sorry he was for what he did. My trust in men was never quite right after that. In fact, as I remember it, in high school and college I broke up with everyone I ever dated for the fear that they would hurt me first.

My first marriage ended in divorce. Married too young and too immature to understand the magnitude and significance of taking vows - even if it was in a courthouse and not in church.

All this to really say that my life experience of being hurt and left by a man (my father) and watching my mother struggle with 3 young daughters sort of built up a wall in me. Ya think? I grew up with my mother being my father too and through that learning how to be independent, driven and strong. Sometimes to a fault. Or so I'm realizing now at 37 (eh-hem soon to be 38).

Then when I found myself as a single mother at 27, I had to "gird my loins" -- Definition: To gird your loins during the Roman Era meant to draw-up and tie your lower garment between your legs as to increase your mobility and agility -- to get ready for the marathon ahead of me and move forward with life for my son (then 2.5 years old) and myself. I gathered all of the lessons I learned from my mother and all of her sacrifices and put them to practice. I mean really? I had to or I was going to drown in self pity and drama.

Through many tears I moved on and felt that I had to make a choice. I needed to be single, no more men to disappoint, crush, abandon or use me. There was plenty of "using" going on because unfortunately there were "men-friends" (at the time) in my life that I relied on for friendship, venting and so on...but they seemed to have one thing in mind. Need I be specific here people? When the stark reality hit of a chick with a kid in tow, these "men-friends" were on the move in the opposite direction. You know when you spend a lot of time with a "man-friend" attraction arises you know? I'm not alone here. Many of you ladies reading this can relate.

So I was done. No more of that. They were fakers, takers and selfish people who didn't have the decency to even come clean. Just get in long enough to get what they wanted and then they were out. Me? Stupid, lonely and not thinking very highly of myself at the time. So I fell for it. Trying to fill a void that my father didn't fill and my mother (even though she was a fantastic mom) couldn't fill either.

Anywho...probably too much information I know but my blog is my blog and I know that by getting all of this out is necessary for the end result of this blog post.

Then the good Lord found me and I thought that for sure I would be able to rest in Him and trust that He would take care of us. Which He did. He really did. But through that I still had this stupid wall up from my past and compounding experiences that didn't seem to let up and let me breathe. So I held on for dear life, praying, releasing, forgiving, and relying on God to "show me the way."

God is good you know? Even though it was hard to believe for me at the time of all of my emotional and spiritual chaos. When God found me I was a mess. An all over mess. When I began to really turn to Him for guidance life began to turn around which is when I met my now husband Chris. The light of my life. The rock of all that I am.
I am so blessed to have him in my life. He and I ground each other when either one of us start to get rollercoastery (is that a word?).

We did the whole old fashion courtship thing and waited until we got married for the - well you know. It wasn't like this at first though, we were both young in our faith - you know one foot in the world and one foot in the church. We made our fair share of mistakes I'll tell you, but when we got serious about God (about 3 months after we met) and the place He needed to have in our lives, we really did everything in our power - and His - to honor Him. And that we did. We didn't hold hands until we were engaged and didn't even kiss until our wedding day nearly one year later. It was amazing!

So married life took off and all the drama that came with it took off with us. We were glossy eyed and fairytale driven - well reality hit real quick.

My past experiences with men (especially that with my father) really affected my relationship with my husband. My take the bull by the horns attitude brought us nothing but heartache and financial mistakes. My growing up to be strong and independent has its pluses for sure, but man has it caused some major screw ups thus far - on my part really.

Hubby can't make a decision? I'll do it myself. He's taking too long to do this? I'll do it myself. He won't budge? I'll break the door down. Metaphorically speaking.

That whole submissive wife thing? Are you nuts? God are you kidding me?
Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church..so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ephesians 5:33b ...and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As I read this early on in my marriage, I was like, 'OK seriously, Lord? So I'm suppose to be like, 'sure honey, whatever you say honey' blah freakin blah!!!

Well God knows what He's talking about! I realize that, as a Christian, being under my husband's protection, then when I sneak out from under his umbrella I'm also stepping out of God's. As a Christian, my husband is here to protect me. He is my covering. So as He honors God and follows Him wholeheartedly I need to heed God's Word and follow my husband's leading.

I have been guilty of "stepping out" from under my husbands covering by butting infront of God and making MY will, desires, choices, come to fruition despite my husbands pleas, I put myself and our family at risk of falling outside of God's Will.

And boy have I done that - over and over again and I've seen my family suffer stupidity because of me.

So going through my track record tonight - I wrote this in my bible...

8/1/09
Hear the cries of this woman that stands before You, oh God. Give me the strength and faith to show humility and honor my husband. To see him as the leader of our home and the protector and provider of our home. Open my eyes, oh God, to my futile attempts to be more than You are calilng me to be. Help me rejoice in my role as a mother and wife and respect my husband at all times and follow his leading. Amen.

AAAAAAAALLLLLL OF THIS TO SAAAAAAAAAAY...that taking the lead isn't all it seems especially if you have (like I do) a God fearing, God honoring husband. Taking the lead when you are not suppose to (unless your husband has agreed to something) will only bring chaos into your home. As it has mine. Your past does NOT have to become your present. I CAN make the choice to do right by God no matter how hard it is...

So I'm handing back the reigns to my husband who knows which way we need to go. And if he doesn't know? Pray with him, pray for him and trust in God. God will never leave me nor forsake despite human error, frailty or inconsistencies.

God forgive me and may I be a blessing to others with my story.

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