Overwhelmed & Underpaid...Grace to Rise Above

Yes...this is a mini picture of my head. Its late. I'm tired and delirious. I am sticking my tongue out because I'm slowly but surely being buried by laundry. You see...my dryer was out for a couple of days. Yes just a couple of days and this is what happened. My laundry mutated and quadrupled. I just about have it all done and it now needs folding and the ever dreaded putting away.
I have 3 more loads to go tomorrow. You know with all I do around here I'm surprised I'm not stick thin. Anyway...I feel so overwhelmed and underpaid and I don't mean this in a monetary sense. But in the sense of like "Gosh...is this all life is suppose to be about? Cleaning, laundry, cleaning up crumbs off the floor?"

As a Christian woman, I have heard over and over again that all that I do I do for God's glory. I get that. I do. That even though I'm constantly working that I can do it with gladness in my heart knowing that by blessing my family I am in turn blessing the Lord. But sheesh...I'm tired. I'm tired of always going going going. I'm tired of cleaning up one room to feel like "ah...its done" to move on to the next room to only go back to the first room 2 hours later and start all over again. It just feels like I can't just sit and just be.

Then I hear my friends and husband ask about my Quiet times with the Lord? What are those? I'm up late catching up and now I "should" get up early to spend time with the Lord before the kids get up? Are you kidding me? My response, which is not one I should have but do, is "honey, God sees how nuts it is and whatever I have to say or ask Him is usually while I'm taking a potty break or while I'm in the shower." I know I know TMI.

Does anyone have any guidance for me? A schedule that works for them that I can try and do myself? I'm so clueless and I am really exhausted and feel like my wheels are just turning and burning rubber...going nowhere...I feel like I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown. I haven't had REAL quiet times in 7 years. Yes you read it right. S-E-V-E-N. It's like I got married had kids and everything stopped. My life spun out of control. I use to love love love my quiet times and I can't seem to get them back. No matter how hard I try. By the time I can actually say, "ok now its my time" my neck loses the ability to hold up my head and I need to go to bed. I need God's Grace to rise above my laundry piles, mail, crumbs on the floor and needy kids. I need God's Grace to rise above because seriously I'm drowning and I KNOW that if I could just find a way to get my quiet times back I could finally be where I need to be.

God bless you all and any of you who are willing to share some success stories.

Signed...a wiped out mom

Who Needs Toys? I probably do....

I've come to the realization that my children do NOT need toys. They really don't even like their toys, so why do I - we as parents - go crazy trying to find those great "must have" toys - Christmas is ridiculous and birthdays why even bother?

They prefer laundry baskets....
And...tape...



And...kitchenware...


I think I'll start buying myself fun stuff...I'm tired of playing with laundry baskets, tape and kitchenware...

Bellies & Babies Indy Expo

I'm frantically getting ready for the big and fabulous Bellies & Babies Indy Expo at the Indianapolis Convention Center this Saturday, Sept 26th!

Come and see me at booth #73!

Gym Shoes On My Head...

OK I'm not quite sure how to go about this post. I'm still thinking as I sit here with my coffee on my left, fabric piles just behind me and a patio door to my right with a faint HINT of sunshine. We don't get much sunshine in here. It is a death trap for any depressed person. Ain't no Vitamin D getting in here Honey. The TV is playing behind me and my children watch the back of my head bop side to side as I think about what to write.

[I'll get to the meaning of my title in a minute...don't give up yet...read on]

Oooh....I just killed a spider and 4 ants...I feel like I should be an entomologist. Dont' judge me for killing the spider. They are not allowed in my house. It's not my fault they can't read the "KEEP OUT" sign. At least I don't kill them in their home (outside) - that's fair right?

OK....Gym Shoes On My Head...here's what this is all about...are you ready?

We live in a condo - in an unfortunate position with 3 small children. But hey we have shelter right? I'm trying to focus on the positive here. We live on the first floor...and just above us there lives the Brainless family. Mr & Mrs Brainless with one child that they are "watching" for a time which doesn't seem to get tired. Ever. Oh...and they have hardwood floors upstairs. Isn't that nice? This child runs endlessly from morning to night up and down the entire freakin condo. Sometimes well into 10-10:30pm.

I've turned into my mother. When I was younger we always lived in apartments. When our upstairs neighbors got too loud, my mom would take the broom stick and let them have it. Yes. To my shame I've resorted to the same thing. We've tried going up there to talk to them and for what brainless response? "Well we have a child." Yeah? No shit Sherlock. So what our THREE trying to sleep underfoot is not as important as letting this child run until they drop? I feel like I'm going nuts - seriously.

So here's our latest drama...we are stuck in this place without peace and quiet. Winter is going to seriously suck big time.

Dreams...

Here's what I've been thinking about. I use "you" as a generic term so if you are at all offended in anyway do not take it personally. I say this all in love and because I'm experiencing it myself.
Many people have a dream to become something, to do something big or major or just simple but accomplishing just to say "I did it."
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I write to say that dreams do not cease once one becomes a spouse or a parent. Dreams do not cease when life takes ahold of you with drama, disappointments, chaos, disorganization or when the world around you seems to just stop with all the what to do's that float around in your mind. Dreams grow, evolve, dim or sometimes can even seem to temporarily go away. But dreams are always there. Whatever your dream is, never stop pursuing it because in the end time is charging towards us and the clock is not anyone's friend. Gray hairs come, vision accuracy change along with hearing...gravity seems to take over our ever-aging bodies. But when night falls and our heads lay to rest for the evening, our dreams continue to circle our thoughts with 'what if's' and 'how could I's.' When the sun rises along with the morning dew and we wake up with our first yawn, we will continue to wonder about our dreams and what we could do to get there. Then life begins as we know it. A job, laundry, crying kids, bills...and our dreams sometimes take a backseat because life itself can seem so overwhelming at times.

People become spouses because we had the dream of getting married, the wedding, the hooplah etc...people become parents because we wonder what it is like to bring another life into this world. All the while not understanding that all of these things which are beautiful and fulfilling, can sometimes put our dreams on hold. And many of us are ok with that and others might find it all too burdensome because our dreams seem to fade away with each day that passes. But does that mean forever? Does that mean that we have to stop everything we ever dreamed of doing or becoming because of our choices? No. It simply means that we wait for better timing. So we wait. We hone our gifts and bless our families and children in the meantime with our God-given talents and understand that God's plan for us in these roles are a gift. However, this does not exclude our God-given talents that we dream about.

What is your God-given talent? Is it writing? Cooking? Baking? Teaching? Ministering to others? Do you have the gift of encouragemet and affirmation? Use all the gifts you have in anyway you can in your current life. With your spouse, children, friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, peers...the list goes on and on. Implement your talents daily and watch how you grow in it and when the timing is right, pounce on your dreams like a hungry Lion in the wilderness and keep after it until you reach it and fulfill it. Your dreams will be insatiable otherwise. Like a thirty deer that can't seem to reach the low lying waters of a river. A slow agonizing life that will lead to death without satisfaction. Because let's face it, if we don't, then we will live a life of 'what if's' and 'how could I's.' That is not a life that will feel accomplished as a human being. Avoid repeating the fatal and often sad stories I've heard of "If I only would have..."

So you say, 'well, being a spouse or a parent should fulfill you. Living a life til' old age with your spouse, or watching your kids grow into adults with good character, compassion and respect should be fulfilling enough.' I say yes this is true as well...but you are still a human being with desires and dreams of your own.

So if you dream about writing a book. Do it. If you dream about opening a catering business one day. Go after it. All of your efforts and determination will be a gift to those around you as well. So what is stopping you? The fear of failure or the fear of success? Go for it!

I do not write this to say that my life is unfulfilled in anyway, I assure you it is not. But that life is life. We only have one. We will NOT have second chances to make our dreams come true. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be worth it. It all depends. If you are married and/or have children, your dreams cannot be at their expense. So timing is everything. Maybe dreams will be better pursued when your an empty nester? Maybe the time is now by pouring your life into your life as it is now and using all of your experiences to nurture and make your dream a reality.

Never give up.
Never give up.
Never give up.

Sleepless living...can it be done?

OK...so school taught me that the human body needs 8-9 hours of solid sleep in order to rejuvenate, stay healthy, live long...well if this is the case honey I will be exhausted every day, feeling like a garbage dump and live well into next week at least. I am NOT getting this many hours of sleep. I'm lucky to fit in 5 hours uninterrupted. Not in 7 years. Yes, 7 years.

See that's how long I've been married. There is a lot that changes from being single to being married. Single, there IS such a thing as sleep. Solid sleep. Of course, there was also negative 3 children. But being married and trying to sleep with another person that feels like a parachute in the bed and has to lay DIAGONALLY across the bed to top it off. A Queen bed, which leaves me laying on the edge hanging on for dear life. Hoping I don't have one of those "falling dreams" where my whole body jerks and I end up on the floor. Oh wait, and my husband then thinks it is cute to play freakin' footsies under the covers because he just feels the need to touch me SOMEwhere and he knows that anywhere else while I'm trying to catch my Z's may very well land him in the ER.

Oh...and did I mention yet that he TALKS in his sleep! Why? Why? Whyyyyy? Did I sin at some point in my life so unforgivable that I would need to be punished this way?

What does he talk about? Oh...mumbles, I swear he is partly Chinese in there somewhere, talks numbers, wakes me UP to talk to me about nonsensible things so I go along with it, end up in a back and forth with me starting like this....
me: "ssssshhhh"
him: "YOU, shush"
me: "Be quiet, honey go back to sleep"
him: "YOU shutup"
me: "Are you out of your mind? You better wake up"
him: "leave me alone" "come back here ---- mmmmddmdmmd --- stop doing that!"
me: " stop doing what?"
him: "huh? just stop doing that"
me: "what are you talking about?"
him: "sssssshhhhh"
me: "oh sure NOW sssssshhhhh [now I'm fully awake]"
him: "stop it!"
me: "your car is on fire and your laptop was stolen"
him: [he starts to wake up] "what? what did you say?"
me: "nothing honey go back to bed...I love you"

Oh yes..this is what I go through more than 3 nights a week. Some are shorter conversations which usually are short because I smack him in the arm to snap out of it, I tell him to move over with a mini shove and I flip over and try counting sheep - who am I kidding that doesn't work. You see...once I'm up. I'm up. Start the coffee pot and take a shower up.


So you get the gist...I am a light sleeper. Way too light. I can hear my neighbors, my daughter's breathing in her crib, a cough from the next room (even if muffled), the crickets outside and even though the fan is constantly running because it helps ME drown out some of the sounds around me, I can still be awaken by the slightest thing. Yes even if it's cold, I HAVE to have the fan running.

My hearing all changed after I got married and had kids. I went from sleeping through a bomb going off next to me, to waking up at the slightest sound. Some of it is motherly instinct stuff and the other just a bed hog of a husband with no tweak button to shut off the midnight talking.

So I am lathargic on most days and barely "there" on others - like today. I was up late working lastnight and with my other nightly interruptions I'm seriously lacking sleep. So if anyone has time on their hands and wants to babysit so I can catch some Z's...email me. [yawn...]

Oh...did I mention that I love my husband? Oh I love him! I'd have to, to be willing to go without sleep right?

What Do Hiking & Kids Have in Common?

...nothing...nada...zilcho

It was my dear sweet (how I love) hubby's idea to go to Starved Rock on Labor Day. I fought it all the way thinking to myself...do I want to spend a holiday sweaty, hot, tired, achey and frustrated with 3 small children...oh and WITH a migraine to boot! But you know we need to do the family thing, time goes by too quickly and if I spend all of my time hoo'in and haa'in about the amount of work it takes to pack up and go somewhere I'll grow old and never even bother pluckin' my eyebrows. Wow...that's a scary thought AND image.

Anyways...we went. I wasn't thrilled and when I found out that I could not bring along my crutch - I mean - my stroller where I could carry all my mommy dependent must haves, I was in an (internal, quiet, silent, forceably grinning with an "OK, honey" on my lips) uproar.

Daddy strapped on Sophia in
one of those
wanna be baby bjourn's and we were off. He built up quite a sweat carrying her. She was soaked through too!

He is definitely a GEM.
He was such a trooper and when needed, he threw Benny up on his shoulders too!
He is my HE-MAN






Awe...Sophia's feet at one of the breath taking cliffs. :)









Then once we got past the rocky path....and....onto the trails...
I saw stairs... ....lots and lots of freakin' stairs...steep ones
...uneven steps like some forest gnomes built them.




My poor little Benny looked at me like, "You're kidding me right? Have you SEEN the size of my legs?"

As I huffed and puffed up and down these trails - lovely ones yes but this would qualify as an extreme sport when accompanied by 3 children under 5 - I realized that I wasn't the only one that came to the harsh realizataion that strollers were a NO NO at this place...there were many abandoned strollers along the way - people who pretty much gave up carrying their strollers up and down endless flights of stairs.

Here we all are sticking our tongues out after a tall flight of stairs...Oh yes...and the orphaned strollers... :)

One stroller was discreetly tucked under the stairs here to the left. We spotted it! "I SPY A STROLLER!!!"














All in all it was a 2 hour ride there and back and well worth it even after all of my belly aching.
We saw beautiful scenery and I got to avoid doing laundry :) - but really we had a good time and the kids got to learn about Indians and saw an enormous Daddy Long Leggs Spider.





























































Josh pretended to shoot Indians through the trees with his walking stick "Gun" - It was so gratifying to see him use his imagination and really enjoying running around - OH and he did NOT complain once of being tired...


Afterwards it was off to McDonald's to recapture the calories lost on the trails :) with some fattening foods and ice cream - Sophia had a blast eating her very own ice cream cone.

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